About Joys and Trials

"Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me." ~Micah 7:8 (KJV)

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

I Quit Today

I quit today. I quit asking for help. I quit hoping I would get an answer other than "I'll do it later".
I quit having high expectations.
Now I have none.
I no longer expect you to follow through with "later", because later has stopped coming. I no longer rely on you, because you haven't been reliable when I needed you to be. I still wind up doing it all myself.
So, I quit.
I quit getting hurt by destroyed hopes because you haven't followed through.
I get it. You work a physically demanding job. I used to too. But I quit. Because it was needed, not because I wanted to.
Yes, I stay home with the kids all day, cause even with me working, we can't afford daycare costs, and these days, who can you really trust with your kids?
I quit, for my health. Maybe my issue isn't physical like yours, but does that mean my mental health is not important?
I quit caring, because caring is stressing me out, especially when no one else seems to care.
I quit, so I don't reach that breaking point, because I don't know what will come with breaking, and it scares me.
So, I quit, because I don't like my own insecurity. I quit because no one helps me get through those insecurities.
I quit, because continuing will break me, and I don't know who will help me pick up the pieces.
You can say I'm a coward for quitting, but I can't continue, not when there's no one to walk with me.
I still clean, and cook, and care for the kids, all of it.
But I quit. I quit hoping you'll help. I won't burden you with requests, because I quit.
You'll no longer sigh in frustration because you don't want to do it.
So I'll do it, without your help, because I've quit. Quit asking, hoping, dreaming, planning.
Maybe I'll start again, when you're willing to do it too.
I can't quit doing it all or it'll never get done, but I've quit asking for your support.
I quit hoping you'll do things without me asking half a dozen times.... So I'll quit asking.

Monday, February 5, 2018

A New Venture for a New Year

January's over and a new adventure for Jessa and myself has begun with it's end.
We have decided to team up and sell Senegence products, the most popular one being Lipsense, as a partnership. We wanted something memorable, even if it's hard to spell. 

So, now we have a group on Facebook, with an Instagram and an Email.
We hope in time to add a YouTube, and maybe a Facebook page, as well. 
This is definitely a risk, but one we're wanting to take. We hope that our family and friends
will support us in the venture ahead of us.
Please bear with us as we grow, and adjust our practice to what suits us and hopefully our customers best. Thanks for your continued support.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Prayers and positivity needed.

What to blog about? Do I rant about the trials that began on Christmas Eve 2017 and have continued into the New Year? If you're family, you know all about it, and I think that's plenty. Just pray for our family, as we need it desperately. We took a hard hit, and some people decided to beat us while we were down, but we're fighting back. For my own sake, that's all I'll say on that as it makes me livid to focus on it, and that's not helpful to the situation. 
Elanor is now almost 7 months and teething, with one tooth cut through and another on its heels. Ayla turns 8 soon, and it's hard to believe. Sanatra's adapted to school pretty well, and Tyler loves loving on his little sister. 
Christmas we got another addition to the family. 
Meet Apollo
Apollo's adjusted pretty well to the craziness of 3 plus kids. He allows Elanor to pull at him, but runs when she screams at him, and runs from Tyler who likes to chase him. 
I said that 2017 was a rough start, but it ended even rougher, and rolled over into the new year. Jessa and Mitch both have a long healing process after a car wreck on Christmas Eve. Both have an immobile leg after corrective surgery. Mitch will need another surgery to switch from rods/pins in his ankle to metal plates around the ankle. Jessa's leg is immobile until her knee cap heals. We're grateful they're still with us, though it's a rough road ahead for them both from here on out. 
We've been in the house almost a year, and still have so much packed in boxes and totes. That means that's stuff I could get rid of, right? So you'd think. It's hard getting rid of things with sentimental value, like that teddy bear I've had since I was a toddler. Other things, I plan to pass on, like the teddy bear piggy bank my Grandma Pat made. 
Storage options here unfortunately aren't the greatest, and with the cold temps and a very chilly basement, I'm not in a rush to get that area in order, but i really should. 
Seems like so much is going on, but the days are pretty routine, all things considered. 
One day at a time, and focus on the positive.